July 26, 2010

"Don't let the sun set on your wrath."

I was reading my marriage book consultant the other day, Letters to a young bride by Alice Von Hildebrand. Me and hubby got some misunderstandings and I even blew up that I hurt his feelings so bad. I shouldn't have done that but I just can't keep my disappointments any longer. I woke up last Sunday, before taking a bath in our bathtub, I still noticed that it needs fixation because it won't drain the water. It has been two weeks now and it's still not fixed. Then when I asked him that morning to change his rubber shoes because they are so dirty and we are on our way to going to church. In my mind, I want him to look descent. And he reasoned that if he wears the old shoes, the wing tips, his tendons will hurt again. I just blew up when we got inside the car. Telling him that he doesn't listen to me. While at church I was trying to keep my anger down. And we went home we talked about it again. He also told me that I don't listen to him. I don't keep up in washing laundry and etc etc, I explained to him that I am trying the best that I can do to keep the house clean and orderly but I can't do it alone if he is not cooperating well with me too. I apologized to him, I just want him to be more active rather than to be passive about the things he noticed. I wanted us to be a team. He told me that he is hesitant to ask me. I request him to please, make a request to me. There are lots of things that's on my mind and I didn't mean to ignore him and the things he needs. I want to help him. I admit that sometimes, I can notice what he need like the shoes, he needs combing his hair, I do want to take care of him, and there are times that I can't notice what other things he needs because I'm doing other things like cooking, feeding the baby, washing dishes and laundry that takes not a single day to finish. He expressed his needs to me, that he needs more lunch box, and he wants the holes in his pockets to be sewed. My poor husband, he is such a baby. After we expressed our needs and how to ask request to another, we felt like we need to start over again. It felt like a relief to me, solving a problem together and agree to it. Good luck to us.

About the reflection I got in the book, Alice's advice to the young bride to the little things that irritate her from her husband, "Instead of creating a mental ledger in which you constantly total up with your Wife/Husband offenses, try to dissolve each one of them in your love as it happens. Every night before you fall asleep, try to consciously put away from you the small difficulties of the day so that you can start the next morning fresh. As St. Paul advises:"Don't let the sun set on your wrath"." In moments of imperfections that we notice to our wife/husband, let us turn to the treasure chest of sweet memories we have of the person and try hard to recall word, gestures, acts of heroism which has particularly revealed to his or her true self, his unique beauty.


  1. Open communication is always the key to a good relationship sis because sometimes one can never read someone else's mind. It takes two to tango so dapat one should learn how to give and how to take. I am not saying that my marriage is perfect but we never get those petty things get in the way with our relationship.

  2. It wont hurt if you talk soberly about each others problems and expectations. No marriage is perfect and to keep the communication lines closed is catastrophic for it will lead to more communication gaps. On the other hand, you are right in saying that we should not keep tally of the imperfections of our spouses and instead try to understand and empathize with him. You love him for so many reasons, try to keep in mind his good points and try to understand his limitations. But always keep the communication lines open. Your mutual love for each other will compensate for whatever individual faults you have. For in the ultimate analysis, nobody is perfect. Thanks for the post. God bless you all always.